Just A Litle More Proof Please...

(Thanks to Tony Gruenwald for sending the article that prompted this !)


When I was "proofed" when buying a bottle of wine yesterday, I was elated. The young man at the checkout showed no signs of nearsightedness, and displayed a nice sense of humor when I replied, 'Well Bless your heart!"
Of course, seconds after my momentary thrill I realized that it was just store policy. I thought that was only because it was a supermarket that sold alcohol. Why that should make a difference, I don't know, but I often wonder who makes "the rules," so I took that with a grain of salt...and a couple of glasses of that nice wine.
Today, a friend e-mailed me an article from the Sunday Times on the subject. It appears that this "proofing" of everyone is now law. At least in New York. I haven't checked New Jersey yet, but given the way Jersey is going...oh don't get me started.
Anyway, apparently when they say everyone, they mean just that. The article was written by a 71 year old man who was required to show his driver's license at the ball stadium when purchasing a beer. He noted that the woman behind the counter insisted that he take the license out of it's plastic holder so she could make sure it had not expired.
This leads my old side-trip-taking mind to the glorious possibilities here.
The way I see it, even if they truck you up to that beer counter, 90 years old and in a wheelchair, clutching your "life alert" button in one hand and the ten bucks the beer is gonna cost you in the other...you're going to have to prove you're old enough to drink. I hardly think there would be a valid driver's license tucked in your elasticized stockings.
I personally know senior citizens who have not been given a renewal because the DMV decided they were no longer fit to drive safely, and those who gave it up at the behest of their children. It happens. I also know some who gave it up because they can ride all over town in that little shuttle bus with the sign that I love..."Caution ! Senior Citizens ! " Damn straight.
So now there's a whole lotta people of a certain age who won't be able to buy a beer or a bottle of Manischewitz without photo ID.
As I see it, most of those "over 55" communities will eventually come to have what they will refer to in lowered voices as "The Guy." This will be one of those small wiry men men who will somewhat resemble Jimmy Cagney in his later years. He will be running a little "cash only" operation next to the water heater in the utility room of his condo churning out fake ID's. No one will question how learned this skill, but he will be the same guy who could "fix you up" with anything you needed 45 or 50 years ago. He may even be the guy supplied you with your FIRST fake ID..when you thought you'd only ever need one in your lifetime.
His name will be whispered at Senior-cise, in doctor's offices, and at least once in every busload to and from Atlantic City. There will be some sort of code, "Tell him you're a friend of Margie, and Bernie said it's okay. When he asks how he can help you, just say that you're 'looking for some paper work that you lost'."
I think all could go quite well until some sweet faced little lady asks him to make her a bit younger and some sharp-eyed clerk puts 2 and 2 together and it doesn't equal 39. I have no doubt that she'll blurt his name out loud and clear on her way to the pokey without her little glass of sherry.