Multiples...or Who's Crazy?

Somebody told me about a series on one of the cable channels that I don't subscribe to about a Mormon family with one husband and multiple wives. I have to say that like a lot of others, I am fascinated by the concept of the life of multiple wives, albeit from a woman's point of view.


Men find it fascinating for obvious reasons, not the least of which is that it appears like a variety dream come true. However, I wonder if even a small percentage set that vision aside to think about how the guy manages to keep all those wives and children in shoes and spaghetti. Or how he explains it to his health insurance company. "Lets see Mr. Jones, it appears that you have 17 children and...can this be correct...6 wives? Your policy entitles you, under the family plan, to a spouse and children. A spouse. One." Perhaps the companies that write insurance in those states have some sort of an "Additional Spouse Inclusion Rider" that can be had for so many dollars per extra wife. I also wonder how a man with multiple wives determines who to list as his "next of kin" without some sort of showdown at the old homestead.


All things being equal, should there not be a sect where one woman has multiple husbands? I asked a few friends what they thought in a sort of socio-survey divided more or less equally between both sexes. The guys looked a little puzzled, thoughtful, and didn't give much of a response. However, each and every woman had the same reaction. Stunned. Horrified. Flabbergasted. "Are you kidding?" "Are you insane?" Some of my more colorful friends used phrases that would probably get me thrown off the internet, but the reactions go something like this and mostly in the same order:


"One is more than enough."

"Who the hell wants to wash all that underwear?"

"What ! And listen to MULTIPLE husbands complain that they don't get enough sex?"


I offered up the theory that there could be one expert husband for everything. A carpenter, a car mechanic,an accountant, a chef, a lawyer, an appliance repair man, a computer whiz, etc. That didn't faze one of them, or even stop the flow of reasons why my question was nutty in the first place. One woman retorted, "You HIRE somebody to fix things, If he does it wrong he has to fix it without fighting with you. Then you pay the guy and get him the heck outta your house."

Even my Mother shook her head at me on that one and repeated one of her favorites. "The shoemaker's children go barefoot," she said. "Haven't you been listening all these years?"


I offered up how so many incomes could let one wife lead a pretty nice life. Oh sure, they said, but they'd be so drained from tending to multiple male psyches that they'd be too tired to shop. And what if they all wanted a child? We'd be up all night with infants and could kiss our waistlines goodbye forever.


Then they went off on having multiple sets of in-laws and having to cook stuff the way all those mothers-in-law used to make it. One friend told me I had much too fertile an imagination, and perhaps I should take up something that would require me to focus on reality, or maybe something soothing like knitting.

The men have long forgotten my question, but my female friends are still mumbling. Okay. I get it, I get it. Oy vey and Amen.