Ma Who??

I must be turning into one heck of a cranky old lady. Today I called my telephone company to ask about some outrageous charges on my bill. I usually don't look at the bill and just pay it, partly because I have better things to do but mostly because I'm disorganized and tend to pluck a bill from the pile on my desk exercising some sixth sense that tells me to pay before they shut whatever service off.


This morning the land line phone bill was calling me, and since I'd already had a cup of coffee and could focus on the so-called "breakdown of charges," I paid more attention than usual. I decided to call the alleged customer service number. I got a man on the phone with a thick accent who made me repeat my name and telephone number twice (and repeated it back to me incorrectly) before we could move on with my questions, which he did not understand. He was "very sorry” and transferred me to another department. The second department was no better. Nor the third. I politely asked if it was possible to speak with an English speaking service rep. As I waited I wondered where their end of “reach out and touch someone” went, along with the ironic fact that they are in the “communications” business.


I finally got a guy in the US who understood the question and my statement that I've been a loyal AT&T customer for thirty-five years. With the same telephone number, I might add.
Why is my bill so high? Apparently I am being charged every time I call my daughter's cell phone from my land line phone...even though she lives about seven miles away and it’s the same area code. He explained that her cell phone company does not have a "contract" with AT&T and therefore even if she was standing right next to me, the phone call is being routed more than 15 miles away and that I am already being charged in my "package" just for the privilege of being able to dial and have the call go out to that area. Then it’s an additional 45 cents per minute. However, I can pay another $17.95 a month and have a service that would enable me to make calls, limited to a set number of minutes per month, to "most" areas within NJ. "Most" is central and part of North Jersey. South Jersey would be additional.

I proceeded to tell the young man that I used to have what was called "extended service" for a few dollars month which gave me unlimited calls to ONE area of my choosing. He told me that sort of thing never existed with AT&T.


Do not tell a woman over fifty that something did not exist. Especially someone who sounds like the dust hasn't settled on his prom picture. And most especially when that fifty-something woman is beginning to question her short term memory. Pardon me, but I can remember the names of all my grade school teachers, the librarian, and the color socks my grandfather wore...light brown thin cotton ones...and the name of every car insurance company I've had since I got my license. I just can't remember where my damn sunglasses are. And sometimes my cat's name. And once in a while, totally un-induced by any alcoholic substance...my own.

Me: "Excuse me? Are you telling me that I imagined having that service?"

Mr. 20-Something: "I'm saying that we never had that type of service."

Me: "Well that’s funny because I spent 20 years calling my best friend every day on about 2 bucks a month until they changed it and limited it to 20 hours a month, and that was still a good deal."

Mr. 20-Something: "Well not since I've been here."

Me: How old are you?

Mr. 20-Something, "Why?"

Me: "Listen kid, I'm not asking you out on a date. I'm just telling you not to tell me "never" when you probably didn't even exist when I was dialing my friend in Somerville daily on a ROTARY phone. And in case you don't know, that’s a phone with a dial that you had to stick your finger in to turn each digit of the number and it made a pleasant little clicking sound in your ear on the return spin. And every phone rang with a little bell....rrrriiiinnnnngggg!....and not the tune of your hip-hop-indie-band-commercial-jingle choice."

Mr. 20-Something: "M'am, you're correct. I don't know what you're talking about, but why don't I tell you about the new services and packages we're offering?"


I have to give the kid credit for his smooth move into a sales pitch for more things I don't need that will cost me more money. I told him I'd call him back when I had more time. I suddenly didn't have the energy to tell him about the good old days of dependable service and reasonable rates. And, like the cranky old lady I think I've become, I just didn't have it in me to explain it to someone who has probably never heard a busy signal.